Curious Corner

Have you ever wondered how much of our actions are the result of what others like our friends, family and society at large expect from us and how much is the result of our own will? You will probably realize how significant the influence of others’ expectations is on our lives. In the field of psychology this is called social mirroring. This is also true to an even greater extent for our own self image and self perception. What do you think – who you are.  And this wonderful quote beautifully captures this idea – “You are not what you think you are, you are not what others think you are, but you are what you think others think you are.” This quote is a puzzle in itself. So, let’s try to solve this puzzle.

Our Identity

In simpler terms our self-identity (what we think about ourselves) is often based on our own understanding and perception of what others around us think about us. It is like looking into a mirror but not to see yourself but to see how others see you. And this self identity is important as it will decide your actions and behaviour in society. 

Let’s consider a simple scenario. Suppose you are celebrating someone’s birthday, enjoying it with your friends. But suddenly you notice someone is looking towards you, you suddenly become conscious of your appearance and immediately start checking if anything is wrong with the way you look and start checking your hair, clothes etc. However, until then you thought you looked fine. Thus ‘you are not what you think you are’ as your view about your appearance changed immediately as you saw someone looking at you. Now for the person whom you think is looking at you, there is a probability that he/she may not be really looking at you and is neither thinking about your appearance nor about you at all. But you don’t know this for sure.

So ‘you are not what they think you are’ as they may be not thinking about your appearance at all. However you inferred that they are looking at you and noticing your appearance thus you decided that there might be something wrong with your appearance and thus started checking your hair, clothes etc. So you acted based on ‘what you think they think you are’. 

The Real You

So, what is the real truth? Who are you in reality? Beyond this game of reverse psychology is there a version of you hidden beneath that reflective mask that merely reflects your understanding of others’ perception about you. Have you forsaken yourself, your true-self. Do you ever feel lost, do you ever feel the desire to discover your true self ? What you would be without the judging gaze of the world around you. Only introspection can lead you towards self awareness. Look deep within you, try to understand your innermost thoughts, find your true desires – what you really want in life, what really motivates you to do something. What you truly want to do. Become aware of the difference between who you are and who you think you are supposed to be. And set your true self loose into the world.