Curious Corner

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched — they must be felt with the heart.”

— Helen Keller

I think no words can better describe ‘friendship’ than the above line by Helen Keller. Friends truly deserve a special place in our hearts, and I think, every other relationship reaches the point of perfection when people in them start acting like friends. However, I always wonder why some friends are always there, transcending the separation of time and distance. While others fade away right before your eyes. What makes them different? How do you find friends who will be there forever?

I think delving into some of ancient wisdom might help us answer these questions about the special relation of friendship.

In the epic of the ‘Mahabharata,’ Guru Dronacharya — who taught the Pandavas and Kauravas once said — “the strength of friendship lies behind the meaning and purpose of that relationship“. So let’s explore why even we make friends in the first place. And the different reasons for which we make friends.

---

Why We Make Friends?

Mutual Benefit

Friendship for helping each other is a perfect example of a win-win scenario. These are the friends with whom we share a very superficial bond, limited by their benefit or utility in our lives. When the need is no longer there, this relationship often fades. It may sound harsh, but this is a truth of life that one must face. The worst part is that some people only realize the nature of their friendship and the hidden agenda when the other person has moved on.

Hobbies & Interests

These are the people with whom we love to play cricket, go to the gym, run marathons, or talk about our interests. We explore our shared hobbies and interests with them. Even though their presence in our lives are short and limited, and we may not share our innermost secrets with them, they are still an important part of our lives. This type of friendship holds great potential to transform into something special if nurtured over time. This is how we generally make new friends when we go to a new place. And this is how I as an eight years old kid made friends in a new school. I still remember moving to a new school when I was eight. For a whole week, I had no one to talk to, no one to sit with, and no one to share lunch with. Then one day, during lunch, I got caught up in a heated discussion about a kids show called ‘Power Rangers‘. That was the start of a friendship which is still going strong today.

The Best of Friends

Then there are the best of friends — I like to call them friends for no reason. With them, you just enjoy spending time, whether on a dark rainy night or a bright sunny morning. Only their presence matters; everything else seems secondary. With them, we share our wildest dreams and darkest fears. This relationship blurs the boundary between love and friendship. This bond is impervious to the effects of separation over space and time. It may sound too ideal to exist, but to find such friends, you don’t need perfect people—you just need to accept them with all their good and bad.

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather, it is one of those things which give value to survival.”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

The Ladder

Consider one crucial thing ― friendship is like a ladder, a friend for mutual benefit may transform into your best friend with time and mutual effort. Lots of people will step on this ladder, and few will reach the top. That is how life is. However, one should always be on guard against the bias of self-righteousness, which often traps people. In a relationship, many people blame the other for any problems and fail to see their own faults. Friendship is a two-person game, and you also need to play your role. If you want to make friends that will be there forever, you must be aware of your own mistakes and try to correct them.

Think about all your friends from the present and the past. Ponder the reasons behind those relationships and see if all this makes sense. Are your best friends those you befriended without reason or external motivation? Consider the people you blamed for failed relationships. Were they truly at fault, or was it you all along, hiding behind your ego?